I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
