He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
