I need to stop coming to work sober
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
