Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
