u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
