She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
