So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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