You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
