I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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