so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
