the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You are a genius and a whore.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
