no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
