my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
