just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
