idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
