apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You made out with two different species that night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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