I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
