And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
