I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
