I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
