i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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