it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
