Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
