in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
