I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
