I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
