No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
