I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
