That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
