Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
