I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
