I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
