Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
