I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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