Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
