I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
