I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
