The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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