Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
