i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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