I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
