How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
