This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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