Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
