If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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