He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
