I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
my nose is crying tears of wow.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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