The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
