So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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