I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
