Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
