I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
