If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
