he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
