piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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