i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
