so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
